Women Making a Difference in America
From Empowering Professionals Magazine:
"When you look at women making a difference, you won’t find a more shining example than Karyne (pronounced plain old Karen) Messina. From her earliest moments as a child and throughout her career she has spent her waking moments thinking about, observing and advocating for people, especially women. She has been a teacher, counselor, facility director, psychoanalyst—and now author--who analyzes women. What makes them tick? Why don’t they get the good jobs and pay they deserve?
Why are they so much like their mothers, yet yearn to be separate individuals? Why do they tolerate being mistreated—by men of course, but also other women? What can she do to effect change and make this world a better place for women?"
Women are still living in a man's world
The Fight for Equality Must Continue
What do you, Hillary Clinton and Clara Thompson have in common? You all face misogyny, projective identification and mentalization. These are the concepts that help therapists and lawyers work with their clients to understand how misogynistic patterns appear at all social and political levels across America and the World.
These same concepts are important in corporate America as well. Shifting roles and changes in the status quo can raise anxiety, decrease engagement and threaten people in positions of power. As more women rise to top positions, misogyny increases. Why? Many men don't dislike women but they don't consider themselves to be misogynists. However, there is no escaping that we live in a patriarchal world. The idea that men are more powerful is embedded in our society.
These notions are perpetuated by men who want to retain power and women who look for a man when they need something to be done from changing a lightbulb to driving to a vacation spot. Many men grow up learning they need to protect women who, in turn, don't always disavow them of that idea.
The model of men as protectors can work until men are replaced by women in positions of power. Since many segments of society still promote the idea that men deserve top positions, misogyny creeps into otherwise congenial work environments when women gain power. The fight for equality must continue until women are truly equal participants in today's world since to date, it is still a man's world
Misogyny Impacts women in blatant ways and in subtle ways
"Projective Identification" implies others are less than, "Mentalization" implies others are equal
My book examines the lives of four women whose lives were upended by projective identification and misogynistic behavior, as well as groups of women who suffered from dismissal and abuse, including the Radium Girls of the 1920s, the Women’s Air Service Pilots (WASP) of World War II, Tutsi and Hutu women as well as women and girls brought into sex trafficking and then persecuted for it.
Misogyny, Projective Identification, and Mentalization tells the stories of these women who have been erased, dismissed, and devalued, while putting forth a hypothesis about why the phenomenon occurs and what can be done to change this dynamic. I propose that projective identification—the mechanism that allows a person or group to get rid of negative feelings, thoughts, or fantasies by attributing them to someone else or others—can create a hivemind that leads to dismissal, humiliation, violence, and atrocity against women; a process that can clearly be seen in most parts of the world today.
These issues could appear at home, at work, in school, or in any other place where you encounter those who project unwanted aspects of themselves onto you. Misogyny, Projective Identification, and Mentalization sets a new agenda for understanding how misogyny is expressed socially and how to stop it.
Karyne Messina is trying to change the conversation about misogyny. First stop, Corning, NY.
What These Words Mean
Projective Identification: A Form of Harmful Bullying
Projective identification is a defense mechanism that allows people to rid themselves of some aspect of their personality that is intolerable. In the process, this quality is projected onto another person.
The original projector feels temporarily like the "bad" characteristic is gone. The end result is that the first person feels he or she has gotten rid of the attribute or quality and is thereafter, at least temporarily, relieved. In this person's mind, it is a trait that the other unwitting person exhibits.
The receiver of the projection often initially feel stunned. It is as if he or she doesn't know what has happened. Eventually, however, this person may start to believe the characteristic belongs to him or her.
Mentalization: A Form of Collaboration That Can Help Heal
Mentalization is a healthy process. When it occurs, people feel free to express themselves while allowing others to also do so. In this state, a person knows his or her view and respects those of another person or other people.
When mentalization is in play, all ideas are valued and no ideas are judged. Everyone has a voice and free to express their beliefs. In an environment where people mentalize, personal, community, and corporate engagement becomes possible.
This process is important whether people are in school, at work, on a playground, in a family setting, or part of a corporate environment. Collaboration between and among people is possible when mentalizing is part of all exchanges.
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Why these words matter
Mentalization and Projective Identification Can Happen in Any Setting.
Mentalization can improve corporate engagement and responsibility
Helping people feel successful about what they do while meeting the goals of any enterprise results from authentic engagement. This can most effectively be achieved through respectful dialogue among all participants. According to the authors of The Non-Obvious Guide to Employee Engagement, frequent feedback can be positively correlated with engagement.
Mentalization can also improve employee retention
Company leaders who mentalize share ideas with employees at all levels and offer opportunities for people in all divisions to work together towards a common goal while respecting the efforts of everyone involved. Emotional investment in a company's success often increases when all members are valued.
Projective identification can impact morale in any organization
Projective Identification can appear in a myriad of ways. Bullying is a classic manifestation of this mechanism and can occur in all types of settings, e.g., one person might try to get rid of a label by claiming an attribute belongs to someone else. The person receiving this projection initially is often stunned but can eventually begin to believe he or she possesses the quality.
Projective identification can happen to anyone at anytime
Recipients of projections usually become very upset. Initially victims of this type of assault may feel stunned by the accusation. However, when the person is shunned, laughed at and dropped by a group of friends, the victim can begin to question himself or herself or think he or she might actually be perceived in the way the bully or perpetrator has claimed.
Misogyny, Projective Identification and Mentalization
In your life, do you know people who make disparaging remarks about women? If you do, you can help stop misogyny.
- Above: Karyne Messina discusses the relationship between patriarchy and misogyny at her book launch event in Washington, DC on May 2, 2019. Other topics included ways people can help stop misogyny through what she calls "Double Exposure." This includes exposing people who engage in blatant acts of misogyny to appropriate authorities while exposing others to the ways women suffer from discrimination, sexual harassment, and inequality and all other ways in which the 'less than' message is conveyed to women everywhere. Enlisting caring men to help stop their friends from denigrating women by setting examples was another part of her message. If men say to their friends things they are are offensive, it could go a long way to minimize disrespectful treatment most women have had to endure.
Projective Identification occurs in Sex-Trafficking
- Forcing one's thoughts or feelings onto another person while maintaining control over that person is a form of misogyny and is an example of projective identification.
- This is likely to be the case when the perpetrator insists that the victim is the one who has the disavowed thoughts or feelings.
Mentalization is occurs when people collaborate
- When people are aware of their own thoughts, ideas and feelings and accept that others have a right to differing ones, mentalization is most likely occurring.
- This process also includes respect for others and lack of judgement about the their thoughts, ideas and feelings.
Projective Identification in the workplace
Projective Identification exists in companies of all types.
This phenomenon occurs in all types of settings. When any employee, supervisor, parent, teacher or coach blames someone else for something he or she actually did, projective identification could be occurring. It's kind of like corporate bullying. A clue that this is happening is when the person receiving the projection feels stunned or confused. He or she may not be certain whether what is being said is true or not. Eventually though, the receiver of the projection can begin to believe that he or she has the characteristic that the projector got rid of because the trait or behavior caused him or her to feel uncomfortable or bad. An excellent example of projective identification is evident when examining what happened to Hillary in the 2016 presidential campaign.
Can anything be done when someone accuses a person of something that doesn't feel right?
Yes, in many settings a person can let the accuser know what he or she has said isn't true. They can verbally "give back" the projected part of the other person.
Who can help?
In corporations, a person's supervisor may be able to help. If not, HR might be the next step. Other options may include government agencies such as the EEO.
What can be done if all of those options fail?
A person who is unfairly accused of something he or she didn't do can always contact an attorney who specializes in employment law. If the stress seems like it is too much to handle, a therapist may also be able to help.